Delusion

Half a lifetime spent with your family. Just when you thought you knew them all so well, you are proved wrong.

Sad.

Painful.

Romancing The Star

Growing up in the small Bihar town of Jamalpur had its definite advantages. There were only two cinema halls, and both screened old films, which were probably cheaper for them to get, interspersed with an occasional current one. So, in  my growing years I, the utter romantic, was exposed to a tsunami of the ultimate romantic's films- Dev Anands'. I grew up taking in Kala Paani, Hum Dono, Taxi Driver, along with the newer, Guide, Johnny Mera Naam, and Hare Ram Hare Krishna all in the same span of time. By the time Jewel Thief came along, I had become a die hard Dev Anand fan. I  swooned over all his mannerisms - the  tilt of the head, the swaggering  walk and the oh so romantic dialogue delivery. Teen Devian, and Tere Ghar Ke Saamne nailed the coffin for me.

Then, along came Rajesh Khanna, the pied piper who played to thousands of teenage hearts. My friends and peers screamed and swooned every time he appeared on the screen. His charm, his romancing, his gazing right into your heart, were the ultimate, they said. But I stood by my  loyalty to my own idol. Head tilt for head tilt, swagger for swagger, dialogue for dialogue, my Dev A. was way superior, I insisted. My friends teased and often sneered at me for my outdated choice. Dev Anand was over the hill, they said. Rajesh K. will look old and haggard by the time he reaches Dev saab's age, I retorted. But as Prem Pujari came, I began to accept that Rajesh Khanna was the flavour of the day, and that my own icon  was on the decline. So I put aside my prejudices and began to savor the flavour. And accept that here was the star who deserved to take over the mantle of Dev Anand's romanticism. I became a Rajesh Khanna fan.

Unfortunately, both my icons have gone within a span of few months. Good bye old world charm. Goodbye romance. A loss for today's youth who have neither seen the charisma nor witnessed the hysteria the two stars had the power to create.We can only wait .....

Homecoming

What does a mother feel when her babies have flown the nest? Vacuum? An emptiness that nothing and no one else can fill ? I've seen friends shed tears, visit the kids more often than needed, and in some extreme cases , go into depression. In other words, they just can't let go.

But this post is not about kids leaving  It's about them coming home. Going back to what it felt like when the second and last of my two girls left .Yes, there was a definite emptiness. Yes, I missed her. And yes, I worried for her.

But then as she settled into her routine out there in Mumbai, I relaxed, and  looked around at the positives.Wow ! I had an extra room in the house! An extra cupboard to offload my own overflowing one! And just so much more time on hands ! You know what I mean? Enough time and space to spread out and indulge in hobbies and activities. And I did just that - all the time pushing that "missing you" thing into a remote corner of my heart.  Life settled into a new "only us" routine. And like air occupies empty space, "stuff" began to spread into the empty shelves.

Then came the news. My little one is coming back ! Transferred back to Delhi. I am ecstatic! Crazy! I dance around the house celebrating her home coming, till I enter her room and ...... freeze. OMG!!!! Every shelf , every corner of the room is occupied by things  that definitely do not belong to her. Linen, footwear, books, painting easel. The bed has become, more often than not , a dumping area.

I am all shaken up...... I've  got to create space for her - figuratively and literally. How in the world do I clean up?

So now I have a new challenge on hand - Rid The House Of Clutter. I am crazily stuffing clothes back into my own cupboard. What does not fit in, goes out ! What cannot be thrown out will beg for a few inches of space in her shelves. Hopefully, in a weeks time , by the time she is here, her room would be restored to its original looks.

Welcome home, Shreya !

We The Women

Women are the most amazing species on this earth.

Over the years I have come across women who I can only look at and wonder, "where do they get it from?" Sample these:

The  lady who married into a middle class joint family where covering the  head was mandatory for all women, but rose like a phoenix to establish and run a multi crore business almost single handed.

My maid, diagnosed with lung TB, had to lay off work for almost six months. Despite having a drunkard husband, who was more of a leech, than a support, she managed to keep  her seven year old son at school, and fed the family. She is now back at work, her frail health not withstanding.

The regular at the park who must have been at least 80 kilos or more only a year back. Met her during one of my monthly walks. I would have swooned , had there been someone to hold me and minister the smelling salts. What a figure !! repeat- WHAT A FIGURE !!!

The flip side ....

A sis-in-law, several time removed, well settled in a rich , pampered lifestyle, goes to court over a property share which will probably not even pay the lawyer's  fee. She needs neither the property, nor the money, but needs to get even with her in-laws over petty matters.

A middle aged lady, aspiring to be a socialite, whose ultimate ambition is to be seen in page 3 circles, spends fortunes on slimming centers, botoxes and firmings. Nothing wrong in that- its her body and her money. Except that her 15 year old daughter cooks for the family after her school and tuitions, because her mom has neither the time nor the inclination for petty household chores !

The colony gossip, who knows more about what is happening in the neighbour's house than her own. She can shred anyone's character apart, but speaks with a honey  tongue about her own family members, irrespective of their escapades.

OH !!! How did I overlook my mother and my mother-in-law, both amazing women , who have faced life squarely in the most adverse conditions, and emerged stronger women.

The list can go on endlessly.

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A Heartbreak

Twelve years ago, aboard the Rajdhani Express, on the way to Mumbai, he had his first tryst with that terrible angina pain. A by-pass surgery followed and all was well for a couple of years. Then the pains returned leading to an angioplasty which opened up two clogged arteries with the help of stents. What has followed over the next few years has perplexed everyone, doctors included.

There have been a total of five angioplasties. After the first three, the pain receded for a few months and then made a gradual come back, increasing in frequency and intensity  till a trip to the hospital was made necessary and another angio happened. Results of the fourth angio lasted hardly a month. The pain returned, once in 10 days at first, then it became a daily feature, gradually rising to twice or thrice a day. It was unbearable most of the time and left him totally drained and weak. The doctors were perplexed.. They began groping in the dark. Maybe the pain was caused by other factors, so a gastroenterologist was consulted. Maybe the electrical impulses to the heart were getting weak, so a pacemaker was implanted. Alternate medicines were tried, but ultimately he had to return to the hospital at the dead of the  night amid wailing sirens of the ambulance.

A fifth angioplasty. Three days in the ICU. Fourth day, the pain was back. 10 o'clock at night and at 4 o'clock the next morning. The cardiologist could not explain. Heart - all clear. Call an expert gastroenterologist. An endoscopy is done - all clear.

Mr. Srivastava, you are discharged from the hospital. You have as healthy a heart as any 75 year old man can have. Your stomach, intestines etc are all fine.

So doc, what is causing the pain ? The doctor looks heavenward  and shrugs his shoulders.
And doctor , what do I do when the pain becomes unbearable?
.......................................
no response !

This is the story of my Chacha, who has also been my father ever since I lost mine. He has been back from the hospital  two days now, and the pain continues to torment him. We feel so helpless, not knowing what should be done , other than taking second, third and fourth opinions. Not that it has  not been done before.

Meanwhile, Chacha suffers stoically, waiting for medical science to come up with a miracle cure.

Love Is...........

The 70's saw a bestselling book and a famous film,' Love Story', which inspired a series of "love is......." quotes, the most famous of which was, "Love is never having to say you are sorry ". I disagree. ' Thank you ' and 'sorry' are important components of  any  relationship. I share with you some more 'loveisms', which I have collected over 32 years of marriage .

The first few years...
Love is eating khichdi thrice a week without complaining......
Love is eating out of your friends' lunch boxes because she has overslept again.....
Love is not complaining when he has to spend another Saturday in office.....

Long long afterwards.....
Love is running your fingers through his hair, even when he has lost most of them.....
Love is saying, " you are beautiful "  when she is long past 50.........
Love is knowing his/her needs before he or she has expressed them.......

But most important of them all......

Love is learning to live with the irritating habits of your partner.....
Love is accepting your partner with all his/her faults......


Love is beautiful.

Once Upon A Time.......

Memories….They have a way of creeping up on you when you least expect them to.

Flashback……

Shimla, 1961. The Mall Road was flanked on either side by a row of spittoons and thrash bins right down its length. Printed on alternate bins were the innocuous instructions, “use me” and “thank you”.

Bhaiya and I skipped along The Mall, on our way to school, one promptly spitting in “use me” the other dutifully saying, “thank you”. This was our daily routine.

Our school must have been fairly close to our home, else our parents would never have let two 5 and 7 year olds walk the distance alone ,though, mind you, I let anyone who cared to listen, know, that I walked “ek meel” to school daily. In the afternoons, my class let off an hour earlier than Bhaiya’s, and the solo walk back was probably the most enjoyable part of the day for me.

One afternoon as I walked home, I look up at the sky. My jaw dropped in wonder and awe, as I saw my very first rainbow. I looked around. No Amma, no Bhaiya ! Who do I share this wonderful moment with? I ran home, looking up every now and again, lest I lose the rainbow. Faster and faster I ran, breathless, until I found myself in the comforting arms of Amma. “Look, Amma!”,I pointed a little finger upward.. She looked up, and a gentle smile spread across her lovely face. No one can share the joys of childhood like a mother can. We both sat on the porch steps and gazed at the rainbow till it faded away.

The moment is frozen and stored away in a corner of my memory reserved specially for her.

Our house was perched atop a small hillock as most houses in hill stations are. While there was a proper road leading up to the house, I preferred going up the rocky hillside, which was strewn with pebbles and small rocks. Every afternoon was a new adventure for me, for I believed that I was actually rock climbing, braving the little rocks rolling down and scraping me, while I plucked flowers for Amma on my way up.

And then, one day, as I began my trek up, humming away, I stopped dead in my tracks! Monkeys! Not just one or two, but at least a dozen of them! Monkeys were not unknown in Shimla, but never before had I seen them on the road to home. I could not turn back, as the fear of them coming up on me from behind was great, and I could not go ahead. So, I stood right there, petrified, not knowing what to do. How long I was there I do not know, but the sight of a little girl sitting on a rock, sobbing away, attracted the attention of a passerby. He kneeled beside me and pointing upward asked,”Do you live up there? ” I nodded. Shifting his umbrella to his left hand, he picked me up and carried me home. All instructions of not talking to strangers had fled, and all at once I had found a hero. Here was this brave man, undaunted by the dangers before him, wielding his black sword with a curved handle, ready to strike! And suddenly, I knew my destiny! I would grow up to be a knight of sorts, with a huge black umbrella, rescuing little girls in distress! Won’t Amma and Papa be proud?......

Shimla was sooo full of some of the most exciting moments for me.

My first solo shopping…

The first time I was lost….

The first time I was bit by a monkey….

………

............

Memories......

Adding Variety

Now that you have successfully baked your first cake, we can add variations to it. The basic ingredients and procedure remains as before, just follow the added instructions.

Chocolate Layer Cake


Divide your batter into two parts. Add 2 tsp cocoa powder , and 1 tbs milk to one part and mix gently.Pour the chocolate batter into the cake tin , and smoothen the surface by tapping the tin gently on the counter top.Now pour  the other half of the batter over this, and bake as before.
The cake looks beautiful when sliced.

Marble Cake


Divide the batter into 3 parts. Add cocoa powder to one, and a few drops of red colour to the other.Now you have batter in three colours. Drop small dollops of batter in all three colours into the cake tin so that you have a beautiful multicoloured cake. Now run a fork  through the batter in a circular motion  just once, gently mixing the three colours.Allow to bake.

Caramel Cake


Take a tbsp of granulated sugar in a thick bottom pan, add a few drops of water and keep on low heat. Allow the sugar to caramalize to a very dark colour. Remove the pan from the heat, and carefully add 1/4 cup of water. Be very careful doing this, as the water may splutter onto your hands.Put the pan back on the heat and bring the mixture to a boil. Let boil gently till all the caramel is dissolved. Allow to cool. Add this mixture to the cake batter. If you find the batter too flowey, add a tbs of flour.Bake as before.
You will love the flavour of this cake.

Till next time, Happy Baking !

Starting Off - Your Very First Cake

In a standard cake, the four basic ingredients, flour, butter, sugar, and eggs are taken in equal quantities by weight. Generally, a good size egg will weigh about 50gms, so a two egg cake will need 100gms of the other three ingredients. It is however advised, in case you have small sized eggs, that you weigh out the eggs first and adjust your ingredients accordingly.

The baking time stated in the recipes  will vary from oven to oven. Check your cake for doneness before you take it out of the oven.

The Classic Vanilla Cake

Ingredients

eggs                    -    3

flour                    -   150gms 

sugar (ground)     -   150gms

butter                  -   150gms

vanilla essence     -   1tsp

baking powder    -   1tsp

Procedure

• Preheat the oven to 180deg C.
• Prepare the baking tin by greasing and dusting, or by lining with aluminium foil and then greasing it.
• Sift together the flour and the baking powder at least 3 times so as to incorporate air into the flour.
• In a mixing bowl , beat together the butter and sugar, till it is light and creamy.This is called "creaming". You may use the electric beater if you have one. If you are using a wooden spoon, this may take a while.
• In a separate bowl, lightly beat the eggs and then gradually add them  to the butter mixture in small batches,beating the mixture all the while.Add the vanilla essence.
• Time to put  the beater away. Gradually fold in the flour, a table spoon at a time, till all the flour is used up. Do not over beat as  the incorporated air will be lost.
• Check the consistency. Hold up a spoonful of batter and allow it to fall. The batter should not free-fall, ie, it should take a while to drop off the spoon. If you feel the batter is too thick, add a table spoon of milk to it.
• Pour the batter into the prepared cake tin and place it in the centre of the oven. Bake for 35 - 40 minutes. Check with a skewer- it should come out clean from the cake. If you find the batter sticking to the cake, let bake for another 5 - 10 min.
• A done cake will have shrunk slightly from the sides, and if the top is lightly pressed, it will spring back.
• Allow the cake to cool in the tin for at least 15 minutes.Run a knife around the sides of the tin, loosening the cake. Place a plate on the tin, and flip the tin over . Carefully lift the tin up , allowing the cake to slip out onto the plate. Invert the cake onto another plate immediately so that it is now  right side up. Allow to cool completely before cutting it
• Enjoy your very first cake ! Bon appetite !

The Romance Of Baking

This post, and those that will follow , are dedicated to all those young ladies who wish to bake that perfect cake, but do not know where or how to begin, and to my two daughters, Ishita and Shreya..
 Ishita,my elder one,  has now grown into a versatile cook , skillfully balancing a career and family and has made her mother proud.
My younger one, Shreya,  has happily eaten her way through all my good and bad cooking, and is largely  responsible for making this blog happen. I hope that one day she will feel inspired enough to try her hand at baking  and carry the legacy forward.

First things first - getting together the starter kit.. We shall buy only what is really essential , improvising and adapting from our kitchen as much as possible. Once you have made your first tryst with baking and feel confident to carry it forward, you can add to your  collection.

Baking dish - an 8 or 9 inch diameter round cake tin is all that you need to get started. Go for one with a heavy bottom to prevent burning. Ovenproof glassware  is also available in the market, as are nonstick tins and more recently, silicon baking dishes. But my vote still goes for the traditional aluminium containers.

Measuring scales - If you are serious about cooking or baking, do invest in one. I do not believe in measures of katoris or cups, as sizes  do vary. Kitchen scales are easily available in stores. Diet scales are available abroad, and if you can  get your hands on one, all the better, as these are more accurate and less bulky.

Oven -An OTG, or an oven- toaster- grill is  the ideal oven. A microwave with a convection mode will also do, but the OTG gives the best results . Most ovens now come with built-in thermostats and timers , but no harm double checking if you are buying a new one.

Metal skewer- Required to check the doneness of the cake. A wooden shashlik  stick, or even a sharp knife will do.

Electric hand beater- It is not really an essential, but it does make cake making a lot simpler. Not to fret, our hands will do just as well.

There are several not so essential items, which you can collect over a period of time - pie tins, muffin tins, tart cases, rubber spatula, pastry brush etc.

Getting started...

Preparing the cake tin - The classic way is called greasing and dusting. Grease the bottom and sides of the tin with butter or cooking oil , add a table- spoonful of flour, and tap the tin, turning it around so that the flour covers all the surfaces. Tap out the excess flour. Alternately, the tin can be lined with butter paper. Cut out a circle of the butter paper  to cover the base, and a long strip to cover the sides. Fit them into the cake tin and grease. Finally, you can use the aluminium foil . The end result, here, will not be a very smooth cake  due to the crinkled foil surface, but I vote this to be the easiest method. Unless otherwise stated, you may use this method to line all your cake tins.

Sugar - We will be using ground sugar in all our recipes. Your kitchen mixer-grinder will do the trick.

Butter - We will be using unsalted white butter in all recipes. Do not begin to substitute with cooking oil or malai until you have become an expert.

Eggs- Bring them out of the fridge in advance so that they are at room temperature.

And finally a confession-  I am not a professional baker. In fact not even a trained one . But all the recipes that will appear in my blogs have been tried and baked zillions of times at home, and I bring to you only the best.  I have collected these recipes from friends, family, and magazines , and a few have been improvised. Hence, I am not making any claims to  originality . If anyone feels that a recipe has been pinched, please accept my apologies, and allow me to move on.

So ladies, get your aprons out and we can begin.

From Amma , With Love

My love affair with baking began way back in the sixties , when I was still  a young school girl. My mother, whom we lovingly called Amma, was never an outstanding cook, but her yen for learning new culinary forms was great. Baking , in those days was unheard of in middle-class Indian households. The  gas stove had not yet made an entry, and the chulha, or the angeethi were used for cooking. And that was where  Amma's first cake was  baked.

In an age when the internet  was unheard of, and the television had yet to hit India, for a housewife in a remote  Bihar town, magazines were the only windows to the world . Amma's cake recipe came from an aged issue of  the Women And Home magazine. It was duly adapted as per locally available ingredients, the British measures of ounces and pints carefully converted to metric measures. A tarazu, or measuring scale was fabricated out of plastic plates hung at the ends of a piece of wooden stick. The weights were smuggled out of the local lab ( sorry , can't let u onto the culprit ), and lo ! we were ready to get on with our first ever cake !

The family gathered around the table, as the ingredients were weighed out .Then began Amma's labour of love. The sill-batta, or the grinding stone was laid out,and Amma began the arduous task of grinding the sugar. The butter and sugar were then beaten painstakenly with a serving spoon - no one allowed to as much as touch the mixing bowl.The eggs went in one by one while we looked on  in awe and anticipation at the changing colour and  texture of the batter.Then in went  the vanilla essence, ( specially procured from Calcutta), and the flour.   The batter was poured into a greased and dusted container from the pressure cooker, and there- it was ready for baking !
There was no oven at home. In fact I don't think many Indian households did have ovens in those days. So, Amma's carefully thought out oven took shape. A large karhai was filled with sand  and put on the hot angeethi. When the sand was heated through, the cake tin, duly covered with a fitting lid, was pushed into it, till the sand came up the sides .After a while, hot sand was generously poured onto the container lid, so that the cake would be done from the top as well. Ingenious, no? It was  more than  an hour, before Amma's knitting needle came out clean from the cake. Amma had never once left the kitchen, shooing us kids and even Papa out, lest we distract her.

The cake tin rested on the dining table for what seemed ages, while it cooled , the family sitting  around, waiting ever so patiently.Finally Amma rose, looked towards the heavens saying a silent prayer, and flipped the cake tin over a plate. We all held our breaths, as after what seemed like an eternity, a beautiful brown cake slipped out onto the plate.

It was not the ideal cake, not even close to one. But it was the tastiest cake I have ever eaten. It was so full of love. All Amma's hard work, her search for the  recipe, her improvisations of the scales and oven, the hand-grinding of the sugar, all spoke of her love and zeal.

Many cakes followed that first one. Fruits, nuts, more essences and colours were added to her pantry. The oven changed from the karhai to the pressure cooker to a tin contraption that sat on the gas stove, and finally to a round electric oven. But that first cake remains in my fondest memories of Amma to this day.

Thank you Amma for starting my love affair with baking.